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Maybe... Maybe... Maybe...
I hugged and kissed with Keith. It was sweet, since he's a guy I like. When he put his arms around me and when he came close to kiss me, I was elated because it shows that he is also interested in me, but I felt awkward to respond! Why?! I'm thinking... Maybe after all these years of ups and downs, I'm becoming to have difficulty falling in love. Love and like is two different thing...
After starting to work and meeting new people, I had many guys expressed interests in me. Keith is actually not one of them, but his good friend Tommy was. Tommy did not confess anything to me, it was just among their group of friends that they all knew about it. For the months that I know this group, I only got to meet them when they come on the days that I happen to work at the pub. Recent months they came less and I worked less too. Tommy and I did meet for meals and drinks on a few occassions, probably less than 5. I kept my distance as a normal friend, we don't even chat on the phone or SMS. In fact I preferred Keith since the beginning, but I thought it won't happen since his good friend took the lead and he might not even be interested in me at all.
Few weeks ago one night, Keith came to the pub but not with his usual gang. We got closer and even went out to drink again after my work. We took the opportunity to tell each other our feelings, but only for that night. After all the words said and messages exchanged, story didn't continue next day. Maybe it was mere infatuation due to alcohol and he regretted the next day, or maybe he had other considerations which held him back. I was disappointed but I didn't take it too hard as I wasn't expecting too much since the beginning.
Thursday night he came to the pub again. I was happy to see him. We spoke on the phone after he was home. The topic continued. Seems like he will only express himself after drinking, or maybe that's the only situation we get to chat since we don't meet at other times. He said he held back because of friendship. Well, but nothing happened between me and Tommy! We came to a point that the main problem is ourselves - we don't even know if we are suitable for each other, maybe we should try to work it out.
Next night, he invited me to join him and his other group of friends to drink. Junqing was there, he knows Tommy. Junqing was a little surprised to see me and asked why I was there. When I replied Keith invited me, he gave a bewildered expression. For the night, Keith would put his arms around me, sometimes holding my hands. Eventually we kissed, in front of his friends but not Junqing. After that night, no story again next day. He did reply my messages. We did not talk about what happened that night. I felt he kept a distance. Reality must've hit him when he sobered up. Maybe feeling bad that he shouldn't be doing this to Tommy? Maybe another infatuation due to alcohol? Or even worse, maybe he didn't like me at all but after alcohol I was just a convenient target?
I am a little disappointed, just a little. Although I'm looking forward that everything would work out well, but somehow deep inside I'm kind of not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe this was the reason I felt awkward being too close with him. I have likings for him, but I'm not ready. Maybe it was the same for him, for someone who hasn't been in a relationship for few years. Just see how it goes then...
By the way, I deleted the Twitter feed here because I don't really use twitter anyway. But I left a last tweet that said "Everytime I see a check on 'I like!!!', I know YeeKiat has visited. =)". Nowadays I do more short updates of photos and craps sharing on my Tumblr.