Haiz...

4th day at the new job already and I'm having "that" kind of feeling ever since the first day. "That" I mean dreading to go work!! Work start at 10pm and I would set alarm way early so I can take my time to prepare slowly, but actual fact is I always drag to the latest possible time to start preparing. Before I even start preparing, I would think of all kind of lies that I can use to excuse myself from work or at least report work later. Of course I didn't really do it. Haiz... PI work is tough. Though irregular, long hours, under the hot sun and in the rain, but I never dreaded as much as this job. The only encouragement that I have from this job is the possibility of earning more.

This new job is kind of competitive. When I was working for two days part time last month, the commission was calculated base on the total sales by my colleague and me. Then I started fulltime and I was told I'd be on my own. Zzz... I don't quite like the idea of individual sales because it's unfair for me when a lot of customers, especially the big spenders, would buy from the other girl because they already know her well. On the other hand I also understand that she would feel unfair if the commission is shared, since she always sells more than me. Reason for the company to do this because they want both of us to strive instead of taking turns to skive, thinking that the commission is shared. A little consolation that I just got to know yesterday - commission is 2% instead of 1%!! One out of a hundred is very insignificant, but two compared to one means two times!!!

I always think it is essential to maintain good relationship with colleagues, but I think its not exactly easy over here. Although I'm very poor now, I'm not the kind of person who would fuss over small amount of money. Which means I would choose harmonious over money, but others do not. Zzz... It's not like we have to fight for customers, but we need to act faster than each other. This is bad enough... The flower rings value in $20, $50, $100, $200, $500 and $1000. 2% commission is between $0.40 to $20, most often $0.40 to $1 because most customer would buy between $20 to $100 each time. Must I always act faster and be that kiasu to earn that $0.40 to $1??? If I don't, I'll earn nuts!! If I do, it will create tension between us. There's already unhappiness in me now because she is kinda doing it to me though she still treat me very friendly, of course she's the one smiling, because she's selling more than me!!!

I don't blame her totally. Why do I want to sell flowers since I kind of feel the job is degrading? Maybe she doesn't feel that way but I do!! I think it's degrading because I'm not a high school fall out or whatever, I have brains and I can find better job. But better job title doesn't give better pay, that's why I tried to part time at the pub and now I'm here!! She's also here for the same reason - make money!! Nothing wrong to be kiasu for her to rush for every $0.40 to $1. It actually adds up to quite a lot at the end of the night. I received $259 for that two days of part time!!

Luck also plays quite a big part. Today, I had quite bad luck. Customers who rejected my sale bought from her after I walked off less than 30 seconds. At times this happened because those customers know her better so did not buy from me purposely. But today it happened just because I didn't approach them the right time.. WTF?! Grrr... Today I did about 3k sales. She did 7k!!! Zzzz..... Anyway I just hope I'd be able to bring home at least 2.8k for this month, prove it worth for me to switch to this job. Then work on pulling my sales figure close to her, that way I should see around 5k of income each month!!!

By the way, I started another blog on Tumblr. Lol.. It's meant to be a bucket list. Not the usual kinds of "100 things I want to do before I die", but a list of all the things I want. From the little things I want to do or buy, places that I want to go and other wishes. My life list!! =)

Flower Girl...

Tired.... Just back from first day work at new place. Hmm... Not officially first day - just part time. But I'm going to start work there fulltime in December. I've recently decided to switch my job. Trying out for maybe two months. As the title says... I'm gonna sell flower... At a club...

Not something that I like doing. In fact I feel kind of degrading, but as long as it brings in more income I'm going to bear with it. The income from day job is totally not enough for me, worse when I need to work irregular hours and not able to part time at the pub. If selling flowers is going to earn as much as the day job, at least I don't have to pay for high petrol, don't have to pay $20 to drive out my off peak car and its fixed 6 hours work - 10pm to 4am. This way I can still find another part time in the day, which I have to because I need two jobs to sustain. =(

Mum's medical report was 3rd stage cancer. Though the affected area had been totally removed with the surgery, but she needs to go though chemo. With the new job, I would be free in the day to send her to hospital. I can use the time to go take a taxi and bike license! Hehehe... Would come in useful if I go back to my PI job.. Lol...

A lot of debts to clear... A lot of bills to pay... A lot of things on wish list... Missing Hong Kong a lot... Work hard and look out for new opportunities!!

Grrrrr.....

I'm here because of the damn Facebook. Photos from many of my previous blog post are not showing here because Facebook changed the direct link. I started linking photos from my Facebook instead of uploading to Blogger to save storage on Picasa. Can't trust Facebook.. Zzzz.... Although it's not important but I'm trying to upload all of them one by one.. Sickening... Sometimes I'm a perfectionist... Sometimes only.. Hehe...

Mum is discharged. I kinda hate it. She came back home grumpy.. Started kpkb over all the little things. Fuck up!!! I swear I'm willing to do all the necessary things for her, even clean after her shit or anything. I'll do those kind of things without complain but NOT entertaining her kpkb over the tiny things like washing cups. I mean those clean ones not in used. She has the habit of washing them every morning. Come one!! If you are so bothered about them collecting dust, you should wash them every hour really! Zzz... And she even kpkb over the way I wash them. So wtf?! Then boiling water... Omfg... I drink from the tap without boiling!! Why is she so particular over these little things. I mean... Don't have to kpkb over it!! Oh and also kpkb me for bringing my meal into my room to eat. WTF?! I've been doing it for years!!!

Nagging is irritating, but she is not! She really KPKB and pissed me off!! Even my father is getting pissed. She thinks that we are unwilling to help her and if not for her feeling unwell, she wouldn't have to see our face to ask for help. The problem is - we are not expecting her to beg us!! Can't she just talk properly instead of KPKB?! Kaoz!!!

Gonna go continue to fix the photos.. Sibeh sianz....

Outdates & Updates

Outdated news but I went Hong Kong and watched my super love!!! Photos on my Tumblr but not all up. Still have those in films not yet developed. Argh!! Makes me want to go Hong Kong again. I should start saving to go Hong Kong holiday every year =Þ

But I'm so broke now... When can I ever save?! I'm badly in debt.. Haiz... Trip was paid by Tommy. I think he probably would not ask me back for the money but I would pay him when I have the money. Posted the photos from the trip on Facebook. People probably think we are really close or already together. Of course not!! I wished I went Hong Kong alone.. =X And for some others whom I owe money to, they probably think I had money to go holiday but not return them.... -_-"

Recently boss employed more staffs and so the company's overhead went up. He had to bring in more business and that means I've got more work to do. The problem - more work doesn't mean more money for me! Zzz... In fact, the more I work the less I earn!! I spend more on cashcard, petrol and I had to drive out more with my off peak car. A lot of days I worked late that I had no time to go part-time at the pub!! Other times I'd be too tired to go work at the pub!! Omfg!! Very broke!!! =(

Just few days ago, I spoke to boss. It was a long time since we had a good chat. Before that, he was quite pissed with me over my performance. I was glad we had that chat. He actually had high hopes in me but was disappointed recently. Asked me to keep working hard and he will arrange something for me... Ok.. I better do it!!!

Come to think of it... Actually things seemed to pick up a little bit. Example... Reconciled with my boss and he's liking me again... Getting along very well with MJ (new partner) at work... A punter who owed me money is paying me back! Won my accident claim!!! All these but somehow still not much improvement yet. Still very broke financially and mum just had surgery on Monday. She's recovering well. I hope no complications after that. I hope my luck would pick up!!

A little happy thing to look forward to - I'm actually going to watch my super love again!!! His performance tour will stop by Genting in January and Longhao is paying for me to watch!!! This time I'm going to watch from the 5th row!! Happy!!!!

Swayness Has Not Left Me

Money...
Had accident last Monday and I got to advance my August salary to pay for the repairs. Hopefully the 3rd party claim is successful, but that would be many months later. Meanwhile I'm so broke now!! When things seem to be getting back on track, shit happens! How am I going to Hong Kong?! Super depressed!

Work...
Had not been doing a good job. Boss did not reprimand very badly but I'm feeling very lousy over everything. He's been good to me but what have I done?! Feeling guilty conscious...

Love...
I got rejected by Keith!! Well... I'm not feeling sad over it. Its either him or me to say it first, so he said it first. I don't really feel rejected. We felt the same way. We are just not ready for it. Or maybe we don't actually feel that strong for each other.

What a boring National Day...

Maybe... Maybe... Maybe...

I hugged and kissed with Keith. It was sweet, since he's a guy I like. When he put his arms around me and when he came close to kiss me, I was elated because it shows that he is also interested in me, but I felt awkward to respond! Why?! I'm thinking... Maybe after all these years of ups and downs, I'm becoming to have difficulty falling in love. Love and like is two different thing...

After starting to work and meeting new people, I had many guys expressed interests in me. Keith is actually not one of them, but his good friend Tommy was. Tommy did not confess anything to me, it was just among their group of friends that they all knew about it. For the months that I know this group, I only got to meet them when they come on the days that I happen to work at the pub. Recent months they came less and I worked less too. Tommy and I did meet for meals and drinks on a few occassions, probably less than 5. I kept my distance as a normal friend, we don't even chat on the phone or SMS. In fact I preferred Keith since the beginning, but I thought it won't happen since his good friend took the lead and he might not even be interested in me at all.

Few weeks ago one night, Keith came to the pub but not with his usual gang. We got closer and even went out to drink again after my work. We took the opportunity to tell each other our feelings, but only for that night. After all the words said and messages exchanged, story didn't continue next day. Maybe it was mere infatuation due to alcohol and he regretted the next day, or maybe he had other considerations which held him back. I was disappointed but I didn't take it too hard as I wasn't expecting too much since the beginning.

 Thursday night he came to the pub again. I was happy to see him. We spoke on the phone after he was home. The topic continued. Seems like he will only express himself after drinking, or maybe that's the only situation we get to chat since we don't meet at other times. He said he held back because of friendship. Well, but nothing happened between me and Tommy! We came to a point that the main problem is ourselves - we don't even know if we are suitable for each other, maybe we should try to work it out.

Next night, he invited me to join him and his other group of friends to drink. Junqing was there, he knows Tommy. Junqing was a little surprised to see me and asked why I was there. When I replied Keith invited me, he gave a bewildered expression. For the night, Keith would put his arms around me, sometimes holding my hands. Eventually we kissed, in front of his friends but not Junqing. After that night, no story again next day. He did reply my messages. We did not talk about what happened that night. I felt he kept a distance. Reality must've hit him when he sobered up. Maybe feeling bad that he shouldn't be doing this to Tommy? Maybe another infatuation due to alcohol? Or even worse, maybe he didn't like me at all but after alcohol I was just a convenient target?

I am a little disappointed, just a little. Although I'm looking forward that everything would work out well, but somehow deep inside I'm kind of not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe this was the reason I felt awkward being too close with him. I have likings for him, but I'm not ready. Maybe it was the same for him, for someone who hasn't been in a relationship for few years. Just see how it goes then...

By the way, I deleted the Twitter feed here because I don't really use twitter anyway. But I left a last tweet that said "Everytime I see a check on 'I like!!!', I know YeeKiat has visited. =)". Nowadays I do more short updates of photos and craps sharing on my Tumblr.

Two Impulses This Week

I try not to tell lies, but I don't know why I keep lying about blogging. No no!! I'm not saying I lied in my blog. Everytime when I came back from a hiatus, I really did tell myself to blog more consistently... But somehow it never happened... =Þ

Despite the proven fact that I'm just not a devoted user whether on social networking or blogging, I actually have accounts everywhere!! Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr... So many to name and few days ago I started an account on Weibo!! I'll talk about Weibo later. I want to say... A while ago, I ridiculously bought the theme that I liked very much on Tumblr!! I know I'm hopeless!!! It's still empty there because I deleted all the post that I previously submitted. I want to start afresh, just like my life. Still not decided what I'm going to post over there. Seems redundant to have Tumblr and Blogger together at the same time, but Tumblr is just too cool that longwinded and boring posts like this one is not fit to be there... Let there remain cool... And here for all my long updates...

So anyway that's one impulse. Next... I don't know since when that I started to like Dayo Wong and his standup comedy. So much that I wish to go watch him live one day! I joined a fan group of him on Facebook to watch out for news of his shows. Good news came that his new show is coming this October. Bad news - only in Hong Kong else futher in US. He used to perform in KL... Zzz... At the Facebook group, someone shared a post from Weibo. This Weibo user is offering advance booking of the show tickets. And so... I... registered a Weibo account... to... contact that user for pre-booking!!!

On top of the monthly bills and expenses, road tax and motor insurance are coming up soon which I've been trying to save and barely enough!! I've now booked a show in Hong Kong which I don't even know I would have enough to pay for the flight and hotel!!! Incorrigible me!!!

In fantasy, I'm actually very looking forward to it!! Should I go alone or not? This comes back to reality!! Go alone means pay myself!! Go with someone then I may get subsidised or even sponsored! In short, either go myself or go with a Robert. =X

In fact, all these started the other day when I told my boss about my favourite Dayo's upcoming show. I expressed disappointment because going to Hong Kong for the sake of watching a show is a dream too far, given my current financial situation. To my surprise, he readily offered to pay for everything and to accompany me to go!!! This got me very excited - of course the fact that he is paying!! LOL!! So hopeful that I actually booked the tickets!! But... The part that he is going to accompany me is holding me back a bit... I know he's interested in me. He's not a tee kor so I'm not afraid of that. The thing is... I'm not at all interested in him!! I most probably not going with him. I rather go with the idiot. Not because I still miss the idiot, but because I'd rather go with somebody I'm much familiar with.

Talking about the idiot. We are sort of through already, yet somehow not. I don't miss him now. I don't expect anything from him now. He don't call me at all. We did go for dinner a couple of times. We get to meet on his off day - Tuesday. That's because he visits the pub that I part-time at. We don't hold hands or kiss. We are more than friends but not a couple. I don't know how to describe us. Anyway I asked him about the Hong Kong trip and he is also interested to go. Honestly, I asked because I'm looking for someone to share the hotel. Seems like he's prepared to pay for everything!! Maybe I'll convince him to pay for me to go only... LOL!! OMG!! Why am I so evil now... =Þ

So... This is it??

After 7 years of... ... ... I can't find the words to describe... But it's ok... It's a matter of time anyway...

First disappointment this year...

The job training was boring as expected. I stood almost 2 hours since 2PM at the roadside until I found another spot where I sat until 9PM!!! 7 hours of patient waiting under the Singapore weather but fruitless. OMFG!!!

The next day, which was yesterday, boss called to tell me that I missed the target. I was disappointed. I feel like I've left a bad impression for not doing my job well. He might thought I was skiving!!! Haiz... Nevertheless, he offered me to tag along with them for an overseas assignment to learn!! OMG what an opportunity!! I was excited but I should be flying to Hongkong today?! WTF?! I've got to turn down this last minute thing. I gave excuse saying that I don't have enough time to prepare because I can't find anyone to take care of Mimi. He was ok with it because he understands that this is really very last minute. I am disappointed again because I missed this chance, he assured me there's always overseas assignment to learn from. Actually the main reason for me not going because I don't have money!!! Even though everything is going to be paid for, but how can I go overseas with less than $100?! Sad... =(

I was looking at some photos from Facebook just now - a compilation of all the beautiful scenary around the world. I suddenly wish to go travelling around different countries with my camera. I hope this job goes well and I can earn back my camera again!!

Please let me dio Toto tonight!!!

Hate this feeling....

Had a bit too much drink last night. Woke up feeling giddy. This is bad!!! I hate this feeling of getting wasted!! And almost got caught in a road block for drink driving! Wound down the windows immediately to get rid of the alcohol smell in the car when I saw the road block. Police stick his device in and asked me to say my IC to it. I said it real fast hoping it didn't detect my alcohol. LOL... Better not drink this much again.. Haiz...

Starting new job training tomorrow. I worry not being paid during the training. I was told I'd be paid but.... My boss seems a muddlehead... Anyway, I hope its going to be interesting...

Post No.293

Just visited my own blog with IE8 and saw the Snapzshots header is not displaying!! Though nobody actually reads here but it's annoying me now! WTF!! I'll get it fixed when I'm in the mood. Meanwhile, everything is working fine on Mozilla and Chrome.

Bad news is... Assluck haven't seems to leave me in the year of Dragon. Maybe all those zodiac predictions are bullshit. Maybe things will change slowly. I just have to presevere...

Good news is... I finally packed my room. Haha!! Everything's clean and neat! I hope I'm able to maintain everything and the bad luck will find here too clean to stay and eventually go away!!!

Chinese New Year Eve 2012

I don't like this day because my parents are both home. I'm sure Mimi thinks likewise because he's been hiding under my bed whole morning. I don't fucking know what's so scary about. One thing about cats - no matter how trusting and close you are to them, in times of emergency or panic, they will run for their OWN lives. I wanted to make him feel better by letting him into my room and cuddle him in my chest, but he prefers under the bed. Stupid cat!

I haven't bought any clothes nor shoes for the new year. Luckily it's only going to be one day of visiting - tomorrow. Then off my parents go to holiday. Even if it's one day, I don't seems to find anything appropriate to wear because I haven't done laundry!!! =X

Anyway, Happy CNY! Huat ah!

Post No.291

3 days since the last blog. I only managed to tidy and cleaned the TV cabinet! Bleh! Ok.. Not another haven't-done-spring-cleaning confession.. LOL...

I just finished reading a friend's blog. She's my colleague at the pub. I'm not here to talk about how chio and sexy she is though she really is.. =) She wrote about her life, not the saddest in this world but its bad enough for anyone to go through. I didn't go through the same kind of life like her, but somehow I feel that the things that happened to me makes me have the same emotions and attitude like her - depressed at times, yet braving through and looking forward. =)

This year I'll have a proper reunion dinner at 三叔's place on the CNY eve. Just like the good old days when they're living in the same block with us. Haven't had that kind of reunion dinner eversince they moved. The past few CNY eve we had food cooked by my father for praying, but they looked crappy so I didn't eat. This year at 三叔's place I would expect the standard steamboat with a spread of dishes. I supposed it still won't be the same as before because grandparents not around anymore.

Mimi has been very noisy tonight. Don't know what's fucking wrong with him. I hope he's just bored and not sick. I can't even afford his food now, not to mention vet!

Suddenly I'm blogging much...

There's something about Tumblr that makes me wanna update for nothing. Lol... I must keep repeating that it's easy to use, it has a lot of cool themes and I can easily reblog interesting craps from others! At one point I almost thought of moving to Tumblr totally, but on second thoughts, better not. Tumblr is made for microblogging and I shall keep my long posts of personal rants away from there to maintain its coolness. Haha! So in future, personal photos and updates shall come here while the short updates, cool thoughts and interesting stuffs will be updated at my Tumblr! I added a crappy Tumblr feed widget at the side below my Facebook badge, will look for a better one when I have money. =)

As usual I need to confess that I haven't started with spring cleaning. What kind of boring life I have?! Same old news spread over few weeks months and there's actually people interested to read my blog!! LOL?! I was just told that we won't be expecting visitors this CNY because we shall all meet at my uncle's place this year. And for the first time in my life, my parents are going holiday on the 2nd day of CNY!! Does that mean that I don't even need to do spring cleaning?! Woohoo!!

Me Also Tumblr!

I made plans to wake up early for consecutive 3 days to complete spring cleaning but (as usual) it didn't work out! Then I tell myself that I can do part of it in the night, not necessary in the day. But here I am blogging at 4:15AM and nothing's been done. Worse still - I'm feeling sleepy already... =X

Spent the past few hours setting up and exploring Tumblr. The interface is cool and I'm loving it. The iPhone app for it makes it easy to do updates. No, I'm not abandoning here. I'll still blog here. Tumblr is good for short posts of thoughts, single photo or quotes. I'm using a free theme, will try to do one personal theme (someday)... Hehe.. Check out My Tumblr here!!! And I just found out that you can ask me a question there and when I reply, it will appear as a post!! So cool!!

In other news, the server for my Project 365 is up. Now I have here, Project 365, Facebook and Tumblr to maintain. These should keep me busy. =)

Post No.288

My Project 365 hasn't been updated for the past 3 days. Not because I stopped taking photos, but I had troubles uploading. I hope its only a short term problem on their server. Meanwhile I also do upload the photos to my facebook.

Took a bit of time to clean up on my blog just now. Although nobody really visit here but its for the pleasure of my own eyes. My to-do and wishlist is so fucking outdated since 2010. Removed the shoutbox since its not working anymore. Might think of something to replace the twitter section since I don't tweet! I prefer facebook. =) No intention of new blogskin yet, because I don't have the mood to do one now. What's the hell with me for cleaning up some virtual shits?! I should be cleaning my own room... I haven't start at all! Zzz...

Before I go... This is for the 70s and 80s who grew up in Singapore. =)

Happy New Year!!

Ok... I'm 5 days late. Nevertheless its still my first post of the year. Got a MSN message left by Yeekiat. Thank you very much! Last year was disastrous for me and I wanna put it behind me totally.

This year, I'm looking forward to my new job. I hope to get back on track by mid year before I start to plan new things again. I shall talk about my new job next time. (Damn.. I'm actually going to work.. Zzz..) In fact, I'm already working - parttime at some pub. I'm actually enjoying myself there because I haven't been meeting new friends for years.

I started my own Project 365 - a photo a day. This is different from the Snapzshot column on my blog. I will definitely try my best to maintain it seriously... (Trust me one more time.. hehe..) I'll still be blogging here but that shall serve as another platform for daily updates. At least when I look back at the photos by the end of this year, I can reminisce the things I've done. =) May view it here.

CNY is coming... again... Zzz.. I'm actually looking forward to it, yet not... I'm not contradicting myself. I'm looking forward to get over with this damn rabbit year because its a fucking ass luck year for me, but I'm not looking forward to the CNY celebrations and visiting stuffs... Haiz.. And this means spring cleaning... I've got hell lots of cleaning to do... Anyway, I hope 2012 is a good year for everyone! =)