Post No.234

I am sitting here drafting this post and trying to recall how I actually spent my time for this past two months which I haven't blogged about. I can't specifically recall anything.

I haven't been following the daily routines that I used to. I stopped playing games. I stopped surfing the Youtube. I stopped taking photos. I stopped reading blogs. I think I totally suit this blog - Sianzations. The only relief at least I have Yahoo as my homepage that keeps me updated.

Just yesterday, the side column at Yahoo caught my eye. Xiaxue topped the "Popular Searches" and so reminded me to go take a look. She's getting married. Nice for her, bad for me. =X I have nothing against her. It's just that I've recently logged in Facebook and saw updates of friends. Who and who is getting married. Dawn is pregnant. Huimin is pregnant again. Xta just got married. Met Forkie at Xta's wedding, his daughter's grown so much and his wife expecting another. Facing all these, makes me depressed.

It's totally not about being jealous or envious. I don't want to purposely lead the life which everyone assumes a girl should - find a husband and have kids and settle down. I am NOT trying to be different or unique, but I feel that this kind of things should happen naturally. From the kind of life I'm going through now, this "natural occurrence" is not likely going to happen to me. Not having a lifetime partner or children doesn't make me depressed. I'm depressed because I can't project my life in years to come. Though I'm unhappy about this, I not yet have intentions of correcting what I am doing now. Sianz....

Last week was a messy week. Messy room and fucked computer. The long awaited freedom for him came. He was free for the whole week because his family went holiday without him. We went for a swim at Wild Wild Wet. It was nice to have him around without time restriction, but not as sweet as how I always looked forward to. Years of waiting had my anticipation murdered.

Supposed to have some photos from my zoo trip with him. Not from last week but few months back. Was selling my 450D away so hastily transferred the photos to the fucked computer without checking. Stupid HDD with bad sectors screwed up a lot of the photos. Zzzz... Anyway now the computer been fixed. Till I get all my software installed back before I can do the editing. OMFG! And there's Xta's wedding video not yet edited. Haiz...