A Pissful Morning!!

It's PISSFUL... NOT peaceful...

This morning I was very very tulanz!!!!! Although I have already got over it but it really did piss me a lot and I want to log it down for my reference! Grrr!!

Last night he complained tired, so he wanted to rest after dinner then meet me later. Fine.. I also needed rest!! And I dozed off probably before 10:00PM. When I woke up it was like maybe past 2:00AM. Had a couple of missed calls from him and some SMS. I was feeling sleepy and tired still.. And a little moody probably because I overslept and wasted the time that I could spend with him... I called him and apologised for oversleeping.. He said he was at Newton drinking and chatting with Raymond and Alvin & gang. Ok.. At least he's got company with him. I asked where to go next... He told me to wash up first then decide later.

After everything I called him again. He told me to join him at Newton.. Haiz... Sianz.. I don't like to go Newton... Since he had been there for few hours already, hadn't he done with what he was doing? Why don't we just decide where to go then I meet him there? Then he said he had no idea yet. He want me to just go and meet him there to eat something and decide later... Zzz... Until today he still cannot understand that I DON'T ENJOY GOING TO NEWTON AND NOT TO MENTION ABOUT THE FOOD!!! But of course... I am not the extreme person... I would not volunteer to go there and eat, but I don't mind to oblige others once in a while... Fine.. So I went.. Very moody... Again because I felt like another wasted off day... partly because of me woke up late, but even if I woke up on time also no place to go lah!! And I predicted that I will go Newton and sit beside him and stone around... Zzz...

The first thing I reach there... He don't look cheerful... Nvm.. Small matter... He's probably disappointed that I woke up so late... (Well... I AM ALSO disappointed ok!! NOT you only!!) Then he asked me what I want to eat... Omg!! I so moody.. I have no patience for this question.. Because he jolly well know I don't enjoy eating at Newton... And before I reached there I already told him on SMS that I don't want to eat! Actually I was hungry, but the thought of being at the place really killed my appetite. Anyway it was like 4:00AM when i reached there, not much stalls were opened. Out of concern... I know it's out of concern that he KEEP ASKING what I want to eat.. I felt annoyed, but still I replied "no" calmly... I was trying to keep my cool since his friends are also around... Come on!! When I say DON'T WANT... SIMPLY MEANS DON'T WANT!! Don't ask again continuously... And if you choose to ask again and again, DON'T get mad before I do!!! Which he did and he got impatient and grumbled "This don't want.. that don't want.. SO WHAT YOU WANT!?"... (WTF?! DID I COMPLAIN ANYTHING?! I NEVER!! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!! You are the one keep asking... I NEVER complain for anything!!!) But I still kept my cool.. I frowned a little and replied "I really don't want anything". I can't control my mood, but I was trying very much to control my temper!

It's really a small matter that I will never get angry with.. I didn't get angry because he kept asking repeatedly... Longwinded is fine!! I can live with it... BUT... I got angry because he kept asking and he lost patience!! He lost his patience and he throw his frustrations on me!! WTF?! You screw up your own mood!! Don't come and screw my mood as well!! I am feeling damn moody already.. And I never pick on you or make any noise!! Did I?? I just keep quiet and cool myself!! So you should also SHUT UP and mind your own stuffs!

Alvin overheard a little and thought that I want to order some food or something... Friendly gave some suggestions on the stalls that are still opened which Hanzi just cut in and said "Got pizza or not? Or spaghetti? Burgers? Here this kind of food she buay gum jia lah!" (KNN!! Must you talk like this!? Why must talk so sarcastic!? I am already trying to control myself! Why can't u just FUCKING SHUT UP! I AM GIVING YOU FACE IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS!! YOU KNOW WHAT IS 自动 OR NOT?!)..... Still, I kept my cool.. I replied "no" and thanked Alvin with a smile... And for the next hour I sat beside them quietly, sipping my lemon tea... Waiting for him to go off... BUT... He never take any action... They finished the beers... He ordered another round... Zzz... I waited again... And he ordered ANOTHER round again!! Knn!! FINE!!!

I told myself... Heidi... FUCK IT!! Just bear with it!! There will be nothing!! They will finish the beer and go home!! No fun today!! No hugs today!! No kisses today!! You just shut up and continue with your lemon tea here until time to go home!! You came from home all the way here just to stone and watch them drink and chat!!! Don't expect anything!!

True enough... They stayed until almost 7:00AM... Zzz.. Before leaving he mentioned to bring me for food.. WTF!! FOOD?! I am already so full!! FULL OF ANGER!!! He asked where I want to go.... KAOZ!!! ASK FOR FUCK! LOOK AT THE TIME! As if I name a place he can go with me?! Then Raymond went to a Malay stall to buy some curry puffs.. AND AGAIN!! He ask me wan tapao anything... I said no... He kept asking!! Until we both lost patience I had to reply in a pissed manner... I SAID I DON'T WANT!!... and he just gave the "fuck it" expression, flared his hand and said "不要就不要啦!!" And he mumbled something trying to say that I am arrogant!!! WTF?! If u think that asking what I want to eat is a dreadful task... Then DON'T ask!!! And DON'T ask repeatedly!!! I AM REALLY FINE with him asking repeatedly... Yes.. I get annoyed a bit but it's small matter... The thing that really pissed me is he annoyed me and then lose his temper and give me some lanjiao comments!!!

Later in the taxi he still mumbling and grumble... Complained I don't seems to be happy.. KAOZ! You tell me how to be happy?! What do you expect me to do? Smile at you?? In the first place, did you smile at me? You NEVER too!! From the minute I step into Newton, the first second you gave me a frowning face!!! Anyway I am not interested to quarrel, so all these stupid details I also don't bother to mention... And so.. I asked him to stop mumbling and complaining because he's not the only one who is pissed.. I suggest he keep quiet.. But he just continued! I had to really ask him to SHUT UP!!... Yes.. I raised my voice said "Can you just SHUT UP and STOP talking!"... Which of course he didn't... And this time since no friends around.. Only two of us and the taxi driver... I DON'T have to give him face!! Since he don't want to shut up.. He is asking for quarrel!!

I poured out everything... I am very focused in such that I never bring up unnecessary issues in a quarrel... I just voice the things that pissed me!! And the main thing is his FILTHY MOUTH!! Must he always talk with sarcasm?! Why must always give lanjiao comments?! Why must talk in a XIA LAN language!! Am I not his close person?! Why must talk in such a rude and provoking manner?! Why can't he just talk NORMALLY like anyone else?! If you are unhappy with me over something which I did or said, JUST NAME IT!! Don't talk rubbish with hints and sarcasm here and there!

I complained a bit about wasting my trip there to sit and do NOTHING! Imagine me chatting with my friends, can he tahan and sit beside me quietly for few hours or not!? And I made that statement taking Christa as example... "如果我和Christa聊天不管你,你在旁边坐几个小时可以吗?!你会静静坐在旁边等吗?!你高兴吗?!"... And maybe he don't know her by this nickname... He thought it's a guy's name.. And he start to argue with nonsense again.. "Ya ya... Christa lah.. Kennon lah.. Jason lah.. your boyfriends lah.. your ex boyfriends lah.." WTF?! Not enough issues to quarrel is it?! Wanna stir up more to quarrel?! New topic?! The jealousy topic?!

Then he say girls should give in and don't make noise over this... KAOZ!... It's not about a girl should be demure and give in!! But its wasting hours sitting there do nothing!!! Do you give respect or not!?! Don't come and tell me rubbish about giving in!! A girl to give in to a guy? As a guy you buay paiseh ah!?! KNN! You need a girl to give way to you!? I don't even expect you to give in to me unreasonably!! I expect MUTUAL RESPECT!! Didn't I gave way enough just now?! For all the LANJIAO things you said in front of your friends, I kept quiet and smile away. Just because I kept quiet you are getting overboard!!

I flared and fired my words, this time he talked less and kept quiet... Backside itchy or wat?! Why must really pissed someone off then you know when to shut up?! But it's too late.. Because he made me really DAMN TULANZ!! The taxi reached my place... Knn!! I almost wanted to drag him and alight with me because I am NOT done with what I want to say!! SO DAMN BLOODY TULANZ!!! But of course... I didn't get him to alight.. It was only the thoughts in my heart... I reached home and called him... Yes I called!.. I don't like to leave such issues half settled... He listened while I shoot.. He tried to argued a bit which I cut him off and just point all his mistakes.. Now I seemed like the unreasonable one... But I DON'T CARE! He really pissed me!!

Til he reached home and sat downstairs on the phone with me, I was still very angry. Well, he was tired. He needed sleep. He wanted to end the call. FINE!! BUT in such a situation, he NEVER learn how to end a call in a nice way. Again must talk very xia lan!! In a sarcastic tone... "我可以上去了吗?"... Zzz... Well... If you even bother to hold on to the phone that long... Then you better make an effort to say something APPROPRIATE to end the call!! If you had not been bothered, you could have just hang up long ago!! So, if you bother to ask for my permission to end the call... THEN ASK POLITELY!!... (WAT?! U THINK I AM BEING DEMANDING NOW?! YES!! I AM DAMN PISSED NOW!! I GAVE WAY SO MANY TIMES!! YOU DON'T APPRECIATE IT! NOW I GET NASTY BECAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT!!)

I shouted over the phone and banging my table... "YOU DUNNO HOW TO APOLOGISE HUH?! WHY MUST I ALWAYS REQUEST AN APOLOGY FROM YOU!? You always pissed me and then you need to end the call halfway!! And you cannot even end the call in a nice way!?"..... Which he apologised... But I still felt reluctant to hang up but in the end still did...

Seriously... I am not so nasty person.. But he really pissed me off badly this morning.... I didn't loose control of my temper... I purposely let go about controlling my temper and flare everything at him! It's the repeated nonsense over and over again.. Last time when he made those LANJIAO comments, I would feel hurt... Because I don't understand why anyone would talk like this to someone they love!? Nowadays he make such comments I just piss off!! And he always bring up unnecessary and unrelated topic during quarrels and complicate things further! And usually we quarrel when he's about to go home... Before we can sort things out, I am forced to stop and put everything aside.. Because he reached home and can't talk further! Then I LAN LAN cannot do anything.. Very pissed and cannot sleep.. And nobody to talk to!! And he can go sleep and wake up as if nothing happened!!! So all these happen today again that's why I got so angry and nasty!!!

And he just woke up and SMS me "good morning darling"... Zzzz... As I say.. He can wake up as if nothing happen... Not that I like to drag quarrels for very long.... But then.. I am very disturbed by the fact the history will repeat itself again... Because he will fucking NEVER CHANGE!